Patience. Pacing. Positivity

I am beginning to see the light again, after almost four months of really ill health I can now slowly muster a bit more, and for that I am grateful because it is not fun to constantly have to turn down invitations and sit out the family birthdays. As if being ill in and of itself isn’t hard enough, but in addition it’s quite hard to be on the outside of what, in the moment, feels like almost everything. I’ve had to turn down the invitation for my cousin’s wedding, that was a hard one to swallow, not gonna lie; but it would include traveling as well as a party with many people, neither of which I am healthy enough to undergo in the foreseeable future. For now it is the routines at home that matter, and it is because I’ve stuck to them that things are looking up a little, slowly but surely!

Like yesterday! Yesterday I changed the tyres on my car for the first time in three and a half years! I’ve tried before, but my dad has always had to take over because I just couldn’t do all four. So yesterday was a proud moment for me, a sort of reward for making sure I take care of my body when it is down, and keeping it up. I took my sweet time and had plenty of breaks, and voila! Now whenever I get in my car this winter I’ll know that I was the one who did that, and it’ll no doubt put a smile on my face for a long time to come.

Babysteps is the key these days, not pushing too hard because I’m just getting my bearings again — and avoiding people with the flu like the plague! I imagine anyone with a bad immune system is taking some forms of precautions these days. I’m glad I can function more in my every day life again, I’m up to a few hours of work these last couple of weeks too, which is very rewarding! Not about to ruin these little joys with getting the flu, so ginger tea is my go-to!

I know the curve of my illness very well by now, there’s a good period and then there’s a bad period, and that’s how it goes, it just varies in severity and length. I found this setback especially hard because of hard I felt I’d worked with my treatments, listening to my body and treating it better, being healthier and the results I saw. I felt like I was soaring compared to how things had been at its worse, these things really makes you appreciate every little detail, and suddenly I was in the figurative basement. Again. When one health issue passed and I needed to rest up and recuperate, another obstacle would occur.

All I can say is that I’m very grateful for catching a break, and I hope it’s come to stay. I also hope to get back to a point where I can stay longer than 1,5-2 hours at work because I find it really rewarding to be there. Patience is key, and I feel like my patience has really been tested these last few months.

Had to remind myself of my three Ps. I’d sadly completely forgotten what they stood for, so here they are again, as a personal reminder, but maybe someone else can get something out of them too:

Patience. Pacing. Positivity.

Forwards and upwards, it’s the only way to go, so here’s to brighter autumn!

– Martie xx

Up and Onwards

It’s been a while. For someone who just recently started a blog I sure made it out to seem like I’d forgotten all about it. I haven’t, though, I promise. Life’s been a bit hectic and for a while I took a break from writing altogether, and here is why:

Without knowing I’d put so much mental pressure on myself to finish my novel, but not only that, I also had to make it great. After tinkering with it for months and trying to plow through a writer’s block that refused to budge, spending hours and hours in front of a laptop, only to later having to sleep a lot only to get back to the laptop again… I decided enough was enough. I decided to take a break from writing, I could read and stuff, but I wasn’t going to go back to any projects for the time being. And holy chocolate sprinkles on toast! It was like this pressure lifted from my shoulders, a pressure I’d personally put there, and my entire day-to-day quality changed as I wasn’t obsessing anymore. I’m still on a break from my projects, but not from blog post writing, and to be honest it feels incredibly nice. i will return to them at some point, but there is no hurry.

For the moment life is incredibly good and my main focus is working on my health as I’ve lost a lot of important muscle in the last two years of being housebound, and therefore I’ve begun to walk. For the last six days I’ve had one walk each day in the mornings and today I mixed it up with some jogging as well (my lungs felt like they were going to die, stamina is a foreign word these days), but it feels good to be able to do these things and I am confident that with the right pace and attitude things are going to improve. These last few weeks a quality of life has returned to me that I have been without for years, and it makes me so grateful! it also helps motivate me more than ever to reclaim my life and work through this illness.

This was just a quick update and hello as I’ve missed this blog very much. Next post will not be two months down the line, I promise.

Until next time,

– Martie xx