Memories of the Past – Thoughts of the Present – Dreams for the Future

About five or so hours ago I sat down at my laptop to write a blogpost, I even went and got a bowl of salty crisps. I was feeling blue and I had a need to put it into words.

I’ve always been a dreamer for what has yet to come, there’s always something within me that’s yearning for a dream that can’t become reality just yet. Lately it’s been coloured with heavy boots trekking through forests and up mountains, gear strapped to the back, a four legged furball walking beside me and who will later curl up in a tent with me… that is of course not a reality these days for many reasons. My own dog is old and too sick to come on any of my usual light walks, this will be his last winter. Me, I’m too sick to venture into something of that magnitude, my body is broken from several years of mainly bed rest, but I relish in the days that I can strap on those hiking boots and walk in terrain instead of this asphalt covered neighborhood. I’ve got a long way to go before I’m back on those mountains like the one pictured below.

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It’s strange to see the one creature I want to escape into the woods with for a few hours become too sick to do so, as I grow stronger he grows weaker, and when my body breaks we meet on common grounds.

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This is from 2011 when we climbed a mountain. Pre illness for the both of us — a trip that brought only bliss and memories that I’ll cherish forever.

My walks have become longer lately, they no longer only measure up to twenty minutes, but can go on for about an hour without me crashing into an abyss of post-extertional malaise. I can feel my almost nonexistent muscles tingle and whine from being used as opposed to when they take on the feel of lead because of illness. I love the feeling of used muscles, and more so I love that I can tell the difference because for a long while there was only heaviness, anvils strapped to every limb making it impossible to move. Now, moving about has become fun — an opportunity to come alive again!

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Besseggen is such a beautiful mountain ridge and we’ve had such an amazing adventure both times crossing it!

So, earlier when I sat in a pool of dreams that could not happen today, me just yearning for the weather outside that measured -19 degrees celsius while the sun shone high, I asked myself: “So, what are you going to do about it?” Pondering this I promptly switched out WordPress for a weather report to check how long until the sun went down — a little under two hours — and called my friend who owns a husky, we do a lot of walks together as her dog needs walking and so does this little rotten body, and we agreed to meet up by the woods.

I closed the laptop and left my bowl of crisps behind, trading my blue state for layers of wool and winter clothing, strapped on my hiking boots and left into the crisp, freezing air. My phone blacked out due to the extreme cold and my friend’s black hair turned white with frost. There was ice and frost everywhere, and the sun shone with a blinding brightness as it hung low in the sky where it had begun declining for the day. The air made my cheeks red and sensitive, and every breath of air felt fresh — fantastic!

These days I dream of mountains and woods and terrain, hiking with a tent strapped to a large backpack, a dog at my side, but for now I’ll continue to use the dreams as motivation as I train my muscles and body back to where they once were, and cuddle with my old little gemstone in front of the fireplace where he now spend most of his days, making sure to treasure every moment with him.

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Memories of past, thoughts of present and dreams for the future ebb and flow together these days, as life often does. These days are good, just as I like them and I hope you are doing well, too. Hugs from us from in front of the fireplace that burns from morning to evening in this cold winter weather.

– Martie xx

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