“All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don’t you be you
And I’ll be me…”
— Let it go, James Bay —
The lyrics posted above always makes my mind wander, because it’s something I’ve thought about a lot these last few years; when I’ve entered into friendships and after a while parted ways, many of the individuals I’ve gravitated towards has insisted that it all go up in flames and burn us to the ground, because if it can’t survive then neither should we (or I), when in reality that’s just how things go: we grow, we change, and some times two personalities that were compatible no longer is… so, why don’t you be you and I’ll be me and we’ll just see where it leads us? Maybe we’ll drift for a while, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back. Because if it has to be either or, then chances are it’s going to burn. Just like a lot of things in life you have to be open to an ebb and flow of things, instead of demanding a constant fixed point that never wavers, especially when it comes to people, especially when it comes to me.
I’ve changed a lot over the years, especially in the last two, and I’m constantly changing because as new impressions come along as do I develop, and that is a constant process. I like it. I like being open to the world around me because it contains so many amazing places, people and experiences, and I want to experience it. I find beauty in meeting new people, even though for a long time I didn’t care much for it because my walls were too high and another person was just another creature that could tear me apart, so I stayed away; now it has all changed, now I think there is something to learn from every single person I meet, however fleeting, and unlike the past I refuse to let bad experiences break me because there are so much more good out there to counter the bad, and that is what I search for, always. Be it a good talk with someone I’ve known for years, an evening with someone I met a week ago or just a passing compliment to or from a stranger on the street, or a good hug from someone near and dear; there’s beauty in all of it.
Today I find my good moments in the new flowers I decided to get for my desk, the cupcakes I baked yesterday (cinnamon apple cupcakes with caramel frosting, mmm) and the fact that I am wearing something that does not double as a pair of pajamas, but today that is enough because this is the height of my health and spirit in two weeks and that makes me happy because it means things are finally moving forwards again.
And so I’ve spent the morning watching a film, to then do some yoga, taken some pictures in my room and listening to music, and I’m feeling semi-alive so I’d say that all in all it’s shaping up to be a peaceful day… and this peace wouldn’t have been possible a year ago as I have learned to accept who I am; I’ve learned to just be me, and that it is enough.
– Martie xx